I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
