I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
