No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
being pregnant is like rehab
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
