I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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