my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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