But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
