I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
