I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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