I faked an abortion last night.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
