Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
