this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
