drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We had sex on a dog bed..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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