Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
