tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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