I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
