I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
