I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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