That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
