Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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