I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
