I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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