it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
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