i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
