She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
