i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Enjoy the penises
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
