Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
