ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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