Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
