update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
