she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
