I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
