i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
