I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
