spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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