hell yes lets make some ravioli
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
