Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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