dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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