Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
