Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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