yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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