is your mom at the bar?
Pappa wants mamma naked
She said her name was "party"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
