A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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