i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
