She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
