So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
