That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
