My sheets look like a crime scene.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
