No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
