Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
