Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
