There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
